This is how seniority screwed me in so many levels

Assalamualaikum, greetings olls!

On 16th June 2013 (if I'm not wrong), I was shocked with a news that one of my junior in SMSL involved in a car accident and unfortunately she cannot make it. Al-Fatihah to Allahyarham Maizura Maidan Dali, may Allah forgive her and place her soul among the righteous. When I heard someone died in a very young age, I'm afraid. Thinking about what if I were them and I 'go' unprepared. On the other side, to be someone who's still living, I'm thinking what about my sins to them? Allah, aku tak sempat minta maaf pun! cuak.

When I was in Smsl, I can tell that I'm not in the list of favorable seniors among the adik-adik ni. I'm not gonna be all sweet and loveable, and I have my own way of expressing my feeling of disgust or annoyed with someone. Tak bagi salam? then be prepared to hear my sharp, super cruel sindiran. And this is how seniority screwed me in so many levels. Four years collecting sins that me, myself not sure how much time that I have left so that I can apologize to all this people. Thinking about this matter, I'm becoming self-paranoia. May Allah forgive me, and protect my mouth, my heart, and my deed from hurting people's feeling in any way. Ameen ya Rabb.